Recently there has been created a lot of tension through fear in the world. That tension gives us a sense of feeling stuck, unable to move freely, afraid to do something wrong. Let me share my personal experience and story with you, how this tension has been created by my ego, blocking the third chakra and power center.
After the uplift (let’s call it uplift instead of lockdown!) has started, I felt trapped here in Ibiza. Not being allowed to move freely, to go hug the trees and recharge in nature whenever I want it, to explain what I am doing and only to move with reasons, triggered a lot in me. I felt trapped, captures, restricted. What a beautiful reflection!
In order to feel safe and free, I wanted to leave now and go back to Germany. Visit friends and family and see the trees, rivers, and mountains. I had the urge to go to nature and create a place for myself, where nobody could take away my freedom. So, I booked a flight for this Friday. And it was canceled. I kept looking for options to go anyways, taking a detour into consideration. Even traveling more than 30h for a trip that could normally be done in 4h felt appropriate to me, regarding the current situation. I had booked another flight to Madrid booked for the same day. I cleaned my apartment, closed all the chapters, packed my stuff and was ready to go.
At least that is what I thought. I wanted to move, but the situation and my thoughts had created so much tension, that with each step closer to leaving, a massive block in my back was growing. When I was “ready” to move, because everything in the outside was prepared, I had so much pain in my back that I could barely breathe. Not being able to move, and by far not being able to lift my heavy suitcase on a thirty hours trip with a lot of insecurity and uncertainty, made me cancel the second flight.
So, I was sitting at home. Not able to move. Back in the apartment that I had left, so clean and with all my stuff packed inside of my big suitcase. Where was that tension coming from?
What did my body want to tell me? Why was it better for me not to move, when I thought I really wanted to leave? I sat down and reflected. Because obviously, that is what I was supposed to do, when no movement was possible at all.
So, I did. I scanned my emotions and I questioned myself what was the reasons that made me think of leaving. I thought of my family and friends, of the people I missed, of my brother, sister, and grandma that soon would celebrate their birthday and I wanted to be there, to be there for them, make them smile with my attention and give them love and affection. And I wanted to be there because I had just left a very intense connection and I did not want to face the feelings of being alone again. Aha. There it was. What else was hidden in my intentions of leaving this place? Working on my projects and creative projects brought a bit of financial instability, especially in this time, so the thought of being back in Germany and in the save system was another motivation coming from my insecurities. And then, of course, there was this sense of being trapped here. Not being allowed to move outside, made me appreciate the German system and rules much more and I was desperate to go to see my trees and rivers in Germany and to spend time sitting in nature.
So being completely true with myself revealed, that I still had this pattern. When I faced a situation that was too emotional arousing, made me insecure or gave me a feeling of being restricted, I wanted to go. I had done this in the past a lot. Leaving for running away. And I thought I had overcome it, but I saw not, that I only wanted to move, because of this reason. Of course, I want to see and surprise my loved ones, but that can be done as well, when the flights are cheaper, the countries back to normal, or when I feel nothing but joy for leaving. This time I felt an urge to go. An urge coming from a tension inside, fear and a lack of trust. And that tension from my third chakra was reflected in my back. The thought of staying was even more hurtful than the thought of leaving, and that is how it always had been for me. And I really want to be free from that.
I was so stuck, and I could not move and I was barely able to breathe, because of all the tension I was holding. I asked one of my friends to help me with my back because I thought I would collapse with this intense pain and tension. She gave me a very gentle massage and helped me to relax and breathe through it. And that was the first key. Freeing my breath to improve the situation so much. I never had been able to breathe before. I had been suffering from a mild form of asthma since childhood and for the first time in my life, I learned to breathe and exhale without creating more tension. What a gift to breathe out and to release tension. Of course, I had trained this many years while doing yoga, breathwork or other things, but yesterday had been the first time I really got it. Breathing out to let go. Wow!
The night that followed was full of dreams and visions. There was so much light in the dreams and so many emotions. One after another I saw a sequence and felt how the emotions within that dream have been connected to the tension in my body. And I used my breath to exhale the tension. It did not work every time at one, but I made my way through and every time I “really” managed to breathe out and release, I released some of the tension and pain I was holding. And then the dream changed to the next sequence. Such an intensive night!
In the morning I woke up and I was 80% better. While the day before I was screaming with pain with every single movement I did, today I was already able to do small movements and avoid the hurting ones. I kept practicing releasing breathing and my emotional reflections. I kept moving and observing which movements caused tension and therefore pain and coordinated my breath to release it. And I have to say, I really enjoyed this. I recently have started to go to dancing classes and I always felt that I had too much tension in my body, so my movements have not been fluent. So now was the time to start moving without tension. What beautiful insight! Moving without tension, moving my body, moving my emotions, breathing without tension, moving from place to place without tension, living without a tension that was causing pain coming from stuck emotions, insecurity and believes of feeling trapped or stuck or forced!
I feel so incredibly grateful for this lesson and this new learning and insights, that I wanted to share it with you. Many of us feel stuck, insecure or trapped now. Many of us are experiencing fears or feel like they are not able to move forward. And maybe many of us have felt those things all the time, hidden deep inside! Now we are blessed with time and space to let those things come to the surface, have a look at them, allow them and breathe them out of our lives. It is the perfect moment to observe our motivation, clean our third chakra from the fears, worries or egoic purposed and allow our easy, joyful nature to come to the surface.
Now is the time to let go of any external tension and start trusting our true essence and potential.
Activate your beautiful sunlight yellow you, beautiful humans! So that in the future, we are all able to move with joy.
We all need this inner sun to shine, more than ever.