It feels like it is too much, but should I do more?
There have always been some fears floating in just in the moment of making things real. We gonna get there. I am financially stable, this has been the year to shine, so now it is time for the reward and become fiancially free next year. All those grateful feelings and then there is always poison inside? How can I let go of that? It remebers me to the moment when I found my self hate inside I asked myself the questions:
Hate, why are you here? – Because she has been unfair and I do not trust her?
So, hate, do you feel like protecting me? – Yes, cause loving her is dangerous. I learned unconditional love. But when I would go you would try to love her again, hate said.
Why is that so wrong? – She would manipulate, surpress, use, hurt, twist, break, shame and drain you. I hate her.
Do you hate everything about her? – No, just these things.
Can you have compassion that she is ill and her own self hate is reflected in those moments? – She is so weak, I am loathing her. And I feel weak and ashamed myself for these feelings. It’s ok to have them.
So it means you do not want to hate her? – No, but I must.
What if it would be safe to love? What if I find a way to love without getting hurt? – That’s a lie, if you love, you get hurt.
Isn’t that what love does? Loving anyways? – Wow, see you need me.
Hate, I have a deal, do you wanna hear it? How about we decide to love her, but as soon as something happens that could be hurting us, you are allowed to protect me. Isn’t that what we have been doing? So how about taking away her power of being able to hurt us? What if instead you being the guard and pushing away after hurt, we are setting up healthy boundaries? In that way, you can go towards all the sensitive and easily hurt parts and strenghten them. We only got hurt, because we think the other one has power over us. We got only hurt because we let their words reach our heart. So instead of bleeding their words and numbing our ears, let’s not allow this to happen. Let’s become so independent and empowered that we only smile about their way when they try to manifpulate and let’s stay untouched. Let us smile, when they lose integrity and let’s be clear that this is about them and not about us. Hate, are you still there? Hate?
My name is souveranity…